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| End of a great first year for GB Youth Bouldering (photo Céline Bellanger) |
Out of the 6 and a half years I’ve been climbing, 5 of which
I’ve been on the GB Youth team and 4 of which I’ve been competing
internationally, I have never taken part in a competition that was as good as
Laval. It was the best by far. The blocks were good, my performance improved
despite my injury, and I got to witness my own team captain come first in his
final ever junior comp. Emotions were on high in every aspect.
Going into the comp my mind was filled with doubt. I couldn’t
help but worry about how well I would perform with my recovering ankle, or if
I’d even manage to compete fully. I’d been climbing again for 4 weeks but I’d
only been training properly for 2. To top it my entire ankle was still sore and
I couldn’t get full movement from it at all. All of these aspects had the power
to get in my head and strike fear through my heart. The days we spent in France
prior to the comp settled me slightly as I was used to it and I felt like I
could get back into comp routine enough to focus. I was wrong. Morning of the
comp I sat in the car at 7:15 panicking. I hadn’t slept much the night before
because I lay awake worrying. It was Ironic that the lack of sleep would have
made it worse. We arrived at the wall and I felt unbelievably stressed, so much
so I couldn’t think straight. We read through the problems and everyone went to
get warmed up.
As I was about to put on my shoes when Tom grabbed me and
told me not to jump straight in. He asked me to play catch, which at first I
didn’t understand, but he later explained that using my weak hand to catch the
tennis ball woke up the left side of my brain too. I don’t know what the left
side does, but in that moment I woke up and everything suddenly became very
real. I would be competing in 45 minutes. I was far from prepared, physically
and mentally. I sat down to put my shoes on for real and Tom came over to speak
to me. I can’t remember what he said, but it was along the lines of believing
in me, and the fact that he knew, even If I didn’t, that I was good enough to
do well. That should have given me confidence and strength but the doubt in my
mind blocked it out; all I could feel was worry and dread; I didn’t want to
disappoint anyone, especially not someone with that much belief in me after
everything that had happened in the past couple months. I kept getting more and
more stressed, so much so that almost immediately after Tom said that I felt
like bursting into tears. I didn’t know what to do so I climbed. I felt strong
but not enough; I needed to clear my head before I could compete. After I
warmed up and loosened off I sat and tried to listen to music, something that,
for me, had never worked before. This time was different, I found a song that
not only calmed me down, but psyched me up.
It was time to go; we all grabbed our stuff and headed to the
wall. I selected a problem that was hard but I thought I could do. I couldn’t,
I dropped the first move, but then so did everyone else. I got on again and
made a second attempt. It didn’t get
much easier, I managed to get the bonus but then found myself stuck. Moving on
seemed like the best option at this point since the angle I’d fallen at had
ever so slightly jarred my bad ankle.
Tom came to me with a massive smile on his face and told me that Jen had
flashed the first problem she got on. Obviously my competitive nature kicked in
and I knew I could tell whether I was strong enough based on whether I could
flash it too. I went over and took a look – it was awkward and technical, like
something that could spit the strongest climber off with a slight misjudgement
of balance, hold angle, or even distance. A girl from Denmark came to ask if I’d
tried it and what I thought. My only replied was ‘oh no’ with a slight shake in
my voice. She obviously didn’t know me or how much pressure I thought was on me
at this point. The rest of the team were preoccupied by Tara getting on one of
the harder problems. It was the perfect time to try it, none of them would see
if I fell and I wouldn’t feel as embarrassed.
With only the judge and the Danish girl’s eyes on me I got on
the problem. I made it half way with great discomfort, I was close to falling
at least twice and it was at the hardest move on the problem that I looked up
to see Michelle and Tom’s faces looking right at me. They thought I could do
it, I could see in their eyes that they weren’t worried for me at all. I
couldn’t fall now, I could do it, just needed to take my time, breathe and very
slowly reach my foot across. The few feet between me and the hold seemed to
take days to cross. The second my foot touched the hold relief rushed through
every limb in my body. I reached the top hold and pumped my fist with success.
I knew it wasn’t a hard problem but I had flashed it after all the doubting and
disbelief. I could do it now, I didn’t need to worry. I was back.
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| When not on the wall we're helping those that are |
When I pulled on I was shocked, the holds were distinctly
less positive than I had anticipated. I had to use twice the strength to just
stay on the wall. Every move was hard and I was extremely close to dropping
every one of them. I looked at the second last hold and the voice in my head
came back to say, ‘this is where you’ll fall, you were lucky to make it this
far but let’s be honest you’re done.’ But it was wrong, I reached the hold and
refused to let go, I felt strong and knew I was good when I controlled the
swing and slammed my foot on the hold. I looked up knowing I only had one move,
a grin reaching from ear to ear. With a look that said ‘I got this’. Topped; problem
done; happy now. I went straight to Tom who said ‘was that second go?’ Come on
now Tom, don’t be silly, of course I flashed it. I told you I’m back.
I only topped 3, but I reached the last hold of problem 2
twice until I had to stop because of the pressure it was putting on my ankle.
My comp ended when I tried the hardest problem which involved putting almost my
entire weight on my bad heel. No surprise it hurt and forced me to stop. It was
the last problem I could try so it didn’t effect much and I wasn’t too bothered
other than the fact I had to limp for a while waiting for my ankle to loosen
off again. I was very happy with my result but that wasn’t the best part of the
weekend. That was watching Nathan.
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| Nathan Philips - Team Captain and an inspriation |
I had followed Nathan throughout the comp, trying to provide
the support he had for the rest of us all year, a way of giving back what was
given. I’d seen him in the qualifiers and ruined my voice cheering him on in
the finals. Normally we can tell where he’s finished after he finishes his 3rd
block. He’d climbed incredibly topping all three Finals problems and
had already made every member of the team proud. He was sitting in second nut there were 4 more climbers. We watched all the others finish, none of them knocking him down to
third, pretty good result, only one more to go. This Italian guy had won every comp of
the year easily so we watched expecting he would easily top it and win as
per usual. We had never been so wrong. He came off the problem twice and 4 seconds
before the end of his time he got in for his 3rd and final
attempt. Everyone expected one of those last minute tops we so often
see in comps. When his feet hit the mat, when he fell off, when he
didn’t top, I stopped breathing. Every single member of the team jumped
and
screamed ‘Yes!’ as we all realised Nathan had come first. Okay, we felt
bad cheering another climber falling off, but as I turned to Gracie,
overjoyed
for Nathan, and saw a tear come to her eye I was suddenly overwhelmed
with
emotion and burst into tears of joy. I had never been so proud and happy
for
anyone before. In my eyes that was our team's biggest achievement of the
year. I can
only hope that on my last comp, in my last year, in my last chance, I
can bring
it out and impress my team enough to make them proud like Nathan did. He
has
inspired me for next year and I am more than ready to come back as a
junior and
dominate my category. It’s my turn
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