Sunday, 30 June 2013

7 inches! enough for any man

 I ripped my tendon in my finged 2 days be for my trip to the U.S snowballing in the peek this only ment one thing! Go to the U.S with a very bad finger.

We (me an my amazing girlfriend Prairie) arrived in one of the biggest ditches in the world, Yosemite. I get stupledy excited every time we roll down the I120 usualy screaming out the windown, "oh look where we are" or words to that effect.
I have been coming to the valley every season but one for the past 9 years, you would of thought I have done some things in that time, but no. My every day life around these parts involves riding my bike at maximum speed every where, drinking beer in the meadow, slacklining, talking a lot of trash with friends an throwing stones at squirrels in camp 4. Occasionally putting on my boots an going for a gentlemans solo.

 I was flicking through a climbing mag with surfer Bob on the front cover dealing with Twilight zone styling some knee pads an some big cams. Unfortunately I had not spent all winter in a cella doing stomach crunches or any of that wide boyz training. So I would not be trying the Twilight zone as that was an Offwith an you need to torcher yourself fot long periods of time be for you are ready to deal with them as the wide boyz have demonstrated.

Me and Prairie walked up the the cookie cliff in the afternoon shade it wasent really talked about until we met some friends at the base of catchy corner. Which was the worst thing I did that Afternoon. Then there was a lot of talk about Twilight Zone, My good lady wanted to do it, I fully supported her as she is a bit of an Offwith master an I new she could lower off get the gear an we could go to sals taco van an eat Tacos! Laugh a lot at some boys who shall reman nameless but not shameless  try to hit on the fit single mums of el portlel.

We warmed up then we had the talk what to do next. As I had spent a bit of time in the valley over the years I was running out of excuses not to try Twilight Zone but also a sick little part of me wanted to climbed it.

I must alos say at this point the last time I did an Offwith in the vally I had to get lowred an proced to dry heave, bad scene. I stood on a ledge looking up at the gaping cleft not knowing how to tackel the 7 inch beast I almost gave up there I was thinking what to have a Sals Tacos. As I got my fist arm bar in it felt bad I dident want to comite, the hot granite on my skin ohh condition not quite right, more excuses to leave and go to Sals. I managed to get up a few moves pluged in the two tiped out number 5 cams. There was no "psy" of relief as it only got bigger an my rack was slighty ill equiped for what was ahead after macking 30 moves an moving 8 inches I finally got my number 6 cam into play which left me some confort but not for long as I left it soon after. great! The butterfly jams knee scums and foot locks all came into play I made it up 3 feet an got my first proper rest as this point both anckels one elbow and my left shoulder were bleeding. I was looking down canyon thinking what was I doing here this is no place for an English man wheres my crimps! I got another 2 feet up sweeting like a bling lesbian walking past a fish shop. I did the inevitable, got my knee stuck, the horable panic set in "its stuck" im doomed im now frantic trying to free it an in the proses making it worse I had to calm the breathing an slowly relies it as i didn't want the embrasment of being rescued!  I finlay got that thing out (an didn't poo my self like the young canadian man did) I now felt total insecure not being stuck inside a 7 inch crack. How can something some big an horrible make you feel so secure one second then terrified the next. I managed to rech up get a fist jam an pull out of the slot an claw my way to the top vire a few more mandatory butterfly james. I sat down didn't move for 10 mints. In total I had been on the route for 1 1/2 hours. Most climbers blogs are about doing something amazing having a great experience blaa blaa blaa. I hated every mint of it apart from lowering off that was good. But if I were to wright this route up its worth 5 stars its total quality climbing im not joking some times your not met to enjoy things. So next time your in the ditch I strongly recommend you do this route. its alos worth noting that Chuck Pratt first climbed this onsight in 1965! pre cams. BAD ASS

Also that trip me and Prairie did our firs big wall together,  the Salathe wall on El Cap another amazing experience we shared together.

                                                         The little pigs an a sewer rat!

                                     They National Park turn on Yosemite falls in spring for the tourists
                        but turn it off in autumn when they are not some may because California is in drought!

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